Well here I am again in a state. They are dropping like flies. I suppose I don't care and I do at the same time. I called my oldest friend to discuss this phenomena she said it was not always like this but it was, that I was just different. I could handle things better back then.

Things pile up after a while she said and even I had my threshold so try to remember that. And it's catching up again but why do people quit, why do people get so put off and turned off by what I have to say I don't understand. I  believe honesty is the best way to be, maybe not brutal honesty and maybe that's what happened. I don't believe I should have to filter my words. I just don't my real friends accepted me for this. I had a lot of friends that accepted this about me and that was that, but that is true friends. You shouldn't have to censor yourself. I am not going to beat myself up about this. I am a true person, and yes this is my problem. I'm emotional and vigilant in my beliefs and at the cost of losing what? Nothing in my opinion. I was going to be upset but I changed my mind. It's not me it's them and no it's not me being an egocentric, it's me being me. I happen to like that about me. I say what I mean, and I mean what I say. I said that up front. I'm sorry if that hurt you people's feelings but I laid it on the line. I may touch a nerve and if you are the nervous type then stay the fuck away from me. I don't sugar coat. If you are a cutter for attention don't show me and don't tell me, you need help and you want someone to feel sorry for you and ask you about it, so I ask people that are privately hurting hide it and don't go around telling people. It's like criticizing people that are doing the same thing you are doing but in a different forum that's being a hypocrite. I blog in private. I don't say "hey I just posted a new blog so go read it then I do and comment and then you block me" this is very strange and narcissistic to me. I've kept my condition hidden for years and years and years...nobody knew until I fell apart 20 years later. Now it's cool to be BiPolar, if you say so...