The month of May a glorious month this has been I must say. One occurence after another has led to one defeat after another. I knew I was going to go back to my brother and sister and law's home this month but I didn't know that the events leading up to it would be detrimental. I haven't written in this place in a while because I've been too heavy to write, but for some reason today I felt the need to. I don't even know the last date of entry. I've really needed to talk to my children and that's just going going nowhere. But's that's fine I suppose. I've been told one thousand times, "they're grown and they have lives and other priorities, and someday they will come around", choke it back, and smile then say, "I know". They reassure me that they love me that I'm the only mother they have. I smile, choke it back then say, "I know". Mother's day came and went, it was gross and humiliating. I tried to choke it back. Needless to say I didn't do very well at all. I guess you get what you deserve right?
The sweet tste of defeat, ran across my lips. As if the tears and anguish weren't bad enough now just defeat. I couldn't stop those bitter and sad tears from falling. The days of pacing and raging. Would this be the day I asked. I haven't scribed a decent word in moths. I couldn't hold a pen. It was like holding a bouolder. My heart had been ripped out ohmmmm but not before the shap
I feel like noone is really listening, when I say what I say. It's like I'm talking in a well, it's like an echo reverberating and it's me I am hearing in return...just the same sound coming back, but worse. Even if I scream no one will hear me. My heart is hearting so that I think it will explode with the pound. The pound. Like a drum. It's still beating you see it's on display for everyone.
The blood stained sadness. The tear streaked madness. For everyone to see, a;nd noone to notice. It's only me you see "the bold one", "the liar", so shake it free, let it be. So I retreat. Once again in defeat.
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