Lessons Learned

WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED?

To love me!
To fight back!
Never to trust anyone!
To look a person in the eyes! 
No know pain!
SURVIVE!!!

I've been to hell and back it's true from the time I was a child, but I wasn't the only one. I learned this at an early age, there's a lot of of us fighters running around. These beautiful minded people that had to put up with shit, and here's the deal we never asked why. I know I didn't, I never stomped my feet and gnashed my teeth I just dealt with it. Lessons are given to strengthen and test people's minds, body, and will. They can weaken you then strengthen you. Some can take you to the ground and never bring you back up, so you live with them simultaneously. Some lessons are so joyous and beautiful that you hold on them and cherish them. Those are the ones that you look back on and "remember" not all lessons are bad. Karma the come around go around, is good sometimes you get what you deserve and we all deserve GOOD.

Then there are the gifts you are given out of lessons. The blessings. These are the gifts and blessings you are given that far out weigh anything, or any lesson. These gifts teach you lessons you thank every God in the Universe for and they live inside you as if you had another heart. Today and everyday I am thankful for these gifts, they keep me alive, they keep me breathing. They push me to get better and to do better. I am also a gift you know from where I don't know but I am. Allowed to bring into the world three more gifts.

These gifts were given to me then I gave to the world, unwrapped and full of surprises, beautiful and amazing, talented, reckless, and full of love to give. I am speechless and in wonderment as to how much I love and miss these creatures. Everyday goes by and it's one more thing that makes me cry. I know they are grown I'm over that don't be stupid they have their own lives, but I'm going to miss something, something is going to be too late, I'm not going to be able to fix it, and it's going to be too late. It's just one more thing, one more glance in time I want back. Happy times. I just want to tell them I'm sorry and them know I mean it. I'm fucking dying here. I just don't know when it went bad 1999? Everything was perfect before that, not perfect but good another lesson learned. Then I went black and stayed. I'm sorry to Sarah Diann for having to reach out to Karen, to Jacob for seeking out anyone else but me, and Jeremy David well he stayed with me I guess he knew but he was tired of it, then man he graduated and he was OUT .....being "this" is horrible on kids just so you know. I just wanted Happy times. Then the end then 2004 was the end....Just a very very very very Long lesson. LESSONS LEARNED the hard way and at who's expense